Sunday, 31 March 2013


The wonderful actuallymummy pointed something out to me via twitter this weekend.
"So I've read all the bits about your family.  Where is the bit about you???"

And she has a point.  There's plenty about Smiler, Noah, Petal and Mr Manley, but while there are posts about my past, there's nothing really about me.  So where should I start?

Funnily enough, I'm in the middle of writing a post about a part of my life that had a huge impact on everything that came since, but in the meantime, read on!

Who am I?

I am Lucas.  Yes, that's my first name.  No, not Lucy.  No, not short for anything.  Lucas.
Yes, it is unusual, but it's mine.  I love it.

I am thirty three.  I was around in the seventies.  For seven weeks.

Crikey, this is hard.  I watch too much TV, but also read plenty of books.  If there's a book and a film, I'll usually prefer the book.  I'm starting a course of taijiwuxigong next month (quickly checks date) yep, next month ~ not exactly sure what it is, but been told it's like tai chi (but haven't ever done that either) ~ could be interesting!  I've always been a bit of a fiddler, and even while I'm watching the TV I will usually be knitting or something else at the same time.  I love to bake, and jam ~ I seem to be very jam focused right now!  I think there's probably an easy link there, from making food (or jam!) and watching it meet a basic need of those I love.

Why blog?

I have loved language for as long as I can remember, and have a pretty good grip on it.  My favourite exam question was from an A level English exam: "The pen is mightier than the sword.  Discuss".
We had three hours, that was the only question, and I was still writing when the 'pens down' command came.

Yep, that probably tells you all you'd want to know.

Actually, the very fact that I have a favourite exam question probably did that.

Back to the point ~ why blog?

My childhood was ... not good, and then my fresh start  / new beginning / now~everything~will~be~wonderful happened, when I found out I was pregnant.  That bubble burst the day doctors began avoiding eye contact, and every question I asked was met with an erm.

As Smiler grew up and I met more and more families which included a child with additional needs, I realised that because of the way my mind worked, I had something to offer ~ I understood the forms, I remembered the names of the specialists, I could decipher the intelligible words the professionals used.  My background in law meant I could go head to head with the professionals about statementing, equipment provision, physio/OT/SaLT sessions, so I helped families out a bit.

Fast forward a few years, and I'm in A+E with a completely blown pupil and head pain so debilitating I can hardly finish a sentence.  Six months later and although meds helped a little with the pain and nausea, nothing helped the vertigo, insomnia, or dizziness.  My concentration span was ...short.  And my short term memory was almost non~existent.  I would start the same conversations several times a day, trail off halfway through sentences, forget words.  I left baths running, left eggs boiling (for over an hour), got lost every time I was alone out of the house.  There were days when I couldn't understand what people were saying ~ it was as though everyone had begun speaking martian ~ I just couldn't comprehend any of the words.  Then (18 months ago) the seizures started.  Three or four times a week I'll be in the middle of a sentence, then suddenly face down on the floor in the supermarket, the library, the school playground, the shopping centre, a friends house.  I wake up three or four hours later, often with a black eye or bruised face, with no memory of the ten/twenty minutes before it happened.

What's that got to do with a blog?

I've always found it cathartic to write my way through things, so that's what abstractLucas is about.  An opportunity to go back over difficult times, to share precious memories, and maybe help out someone that finds echoes of their story within this one.  In many ways over the years I've come to realise that there are (gross generalisation) two types of people.  There are those who live mostly happy lives, and those who live mostly sad ones.  There are people that live through difficult experiences, and get on with doing the best they can ~ they focus on the positives, the good times, and solutions.  Then there are those who live through those same experiences and spend the rest of their lives blaming those difficult situations for everything they don't like about their lives.  I don't mean life isn't tough sometimes, I just don't think it is right to use those tough times as a reason / excuse to absolve yourself of responsibility for every single negative aspect of yourself for the rest of your life.

So abstractLucas is about that too ~ about taking responsibility for myself, trying to find the rainbows (Pollyanna anyone?!) and maybe giving someone else a slight shove in a positive direction too.

Okay, dismount high~horse using soap~box as a step and ~ breathe.  I know from personal experience that sometimes just knowing that there is someone else out there who has lived through some of the same things as me has helped me feel less alone.  And I hope that maybe I can be that for someone else.

Bet you're sorry you asked now!


  1. I'm not sorry at all, and I've ended up clicking on most of the links to find out more - you write beautifully about some difficult situations, and you seem to handle them all with such aplomb! I'm putting you into Newbie Tuesday at Britmums this week x

  2. What a lovely compliment ~ thank you so much! Writing helps me get perspective on things, and recognise the many positives in my life.
    Thanks again

  3. Dear Lucas,
    I enjoyed getting to know you better and I will certainly read all your links in the next days! xo

    1. Hi there Joy, it's funny how difficult I found it to write about myself! Hope you enjoy the rest of the links you follow ~ I cover quite a few different topics!

  4. Hi, I have found one of your fantastic images on your blog and wondered if I could use it for a wall art piece for an interior design project I am working on? It is of a boat in Bristol docks, posted on 22nd March 2013. Could you possibly contact me for more details?
    It would be great to hear from you!


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