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Sunday, 30 June 2013

a cardigan for Petal : part three

A very quick update on Petal's cardigan ~ as the main body is stocking stitch (knit a row, purl the next, knit the next and so on) I'm speeding along, and there's not much more to do.  I've been watching a TV series from the start that I missed first time round ~ each episode is 40 minutes long, which makes you realise just how many breaks there are usually!  Perfect for repetitive knitting, which is how I've got so much done the last few days.

I'm making the cardigan a little longer than directed by the pattern, since Petal has a long torso.  That's the advantage to knitting it myself I think, it can fit her shape rather ending up with baggy arms because she needs the length, or short because she is so slim.  


As you can see, the daisies along the back came out pretty even, and I think (well, I'm hoping) that they will prevent the cardi looking a bit boring and school uniform~y.  I've also cracked the secret to the daisies ~ even if you go wrong with the counting, just pretend you didn't ~ people (other than me) will not usually notice a mistake unless you show it to them, and if you think about it, that's a daft idea!  I know, a change of tune since part two ~ just goes to show how up and down I can be I suppose.  Even if the mistakes are all I see, if Petal doesn't notice them, and no one else spots it without me pointing them out, then they don't matter.

Fingers crossed I'll be able to do the daisies along the hemline this evening, and maybe the edging too . . . yep, that's right, I'm cautiously optimistic that it might be finished by this time tomorrow!

Thursday, 27 June 2013

not a victim : until

This posts is not explicit but may trigger uncomfortable emotions in some individuals who have experienced abuse.  Please take care of yourself.


I remember being told that I was a charming child ~ friendly, polite, eager to please.  Until.  Until.  He said until I was five.  I would imagine it was more a case of until I realised that I could not trust that every word spoken by every adult in my world was not the absolute truth.  Until I recognised that the adults in my world might not be absolutely fair and just.  Until I began to challenge him in the way that children do, and he found the fastest way to 'win' was to stop me talking.  Slap me in the face, shove me against a wall, punch me in the stomach ~ plenty of effective ways to shut a child up.

Tuesday, 25 June 2013

a cardigan for Petal : part two



a cardigan for Petal : part one
a cardigan for Petal : part three

I'm very aware that this is tempting fate, but Petal's cardigan is actually going really well!  The pattern is, as reviews indicated, written in a very uncomplicated un~jargon~y way ~ just as well since I am not known for my patience these days.  Actually, I'm not sure I was ever known for my patience.  Hang on ~ I'll try that one more time ~ I'm certain that I never have been, nor will I ever be, known for my patience (see here, here, or any other post for that matter).

* * * * *

Monday, 24 June 2013

altered perspectives : Mary Mary

Hi there folks, in case my absence has been noticed I've had a rough couple of weeks, but normal service shall be resumed shortly . . . and in the meantime, altered perspectives : Mary Mary



Tuesday, 18 June 2013

altered perspective : from the ground up

One of the incredible things I've found about having a camera with me most of the time is that you start to see things differently ~ even the really simple everyday things around you can start to look interesting just by changing your perspective.  Maybe everything around us has something to say ~ a door frame can be full of intrigue, with mysterious lines and shapes, if only we can see past the obvious.

Saturday, 15 June 2013

not a victim : fathers day

This posts is not explicit but may trigger uncomfortable emotions in some individuals who have experienced abuse.  Please take care of yourself.

Fatherhood.

Do you think of me?  Did those eight years change the way your mind worked?  Did you reach some understanding that those thoughts swimming around in the swamp of your mind were wrong? A value judgement I know, but sometimes they're justified.  Or did you walk out of those tall metal gates with the same thoughts as when you walked in?  Did your undefeatable pride mean you felt the need to explain, to describe this miscarriage of justice, to protest your innocence to anyone ... everyone that would give you the gift of five minutes of their attention?

Father
Dad
Daddy
Brian
Husband
Parent
Friend


Did you keep any of these?  

Daddy Dad Father Parent
Your son believed you ~ I was told he stood up in court when the word 'guilty' emerged into the air... judgement ... at last.  He stood.  "This isn't justice".  Steadfast in his belief, his opinion, his knowledge, his interpretation.  To recognise your guilt meant to see his own, and the deep crimson rage inside himself, the violence of him, the violence of you in him meant he couldn't let that be.

Brian Husband Friend
Your wife.  Your beloved.  Your soulmate ... eugh.  She lied to me.  She lied to you.  She lied to your son.  She lied to the police.  She lied to the court.  She loved you ... loves you.  Does she see the writhing hatred in you?  The disgust.  The cruelty.  The pain.  The triumph.  The vicious glint in your eye.  The rot in your mind.  Does she care?  Can she feel it ... does she lay next to you in bed and lie even to you?  Do you pretend to believe her?  


Do you live in a landscape of lies?  Shaped by past decisions, actions without consequences, secure in the totality of your control.  Hedges  of softest green, full of thorns to puncture flesh.  Lie after lie after lie piled upon one another, stacked like stones of an ancient wall, keeping each other in place ... but when one disappears, challenged by the truth of life, the rest shake, surely, just a little...  But you have plenty of practice at ignoring those chunks of living that you don't want to see.  



so it's fathers day
happy fathers day
happy fathers day dad
happy father's day daddy
thank you for looking after me
i'm so glad i'm your daughter
so many memories of you
I don't know who i'd be without you
you cared so much
taught me how to be


my dad


dad



you



.





Wednesday, 12 June 2013

a cardigan for Petal


So I've started another new project, even though I currently have ...erm ... several ... already on the go or hanging around waiting to get started including rhubarb jam, chilli jam, the blanket of stars, and a needle~felted minion).  This is a cardigan for Petal (in case the title didn't give it away...), from a pattern I choose through Ravelry.  It's named Suzanne, and has plenty of finished versions, which I find promising, and there's a lot of praise for the way the patterns are written by this particular designer, something else that I regard as a good sign that it will be do~able for me, with my fairly limited knitting  skills, concentration and memory.  So I took the plunge and bought the pattern, which was (I think) the equivalent of £3 or £4, which seems reasonable, especially as I'm using discontinued yarn that I got really cheap, and is just lovely to knit with!

Monday, 10 June 2013

making an exhibition of ourselves : story of mum

story of mum exhibition
The way identities develop has always been fascinating to me ~ there's the whole nature versus nurture debate, along with all those other elements which have an impact on who we are.  Becoming a parent is a time of great change, perhaps the greatest change over the shortest period of time that most of us will undergo, and as well as being amazing and incredible and awe~inspiring, it can also be terrifying ~ at least it was to me.  Becoming a parent yourself when your experience of being parented was overwhelmingly negative is never going to be easy, and it's only now, when my children are eleven, ten, and nine (well, she's nine tomorrow), that I feel like I'm finally doing it right ~ for a good solid ten minutes every single day!

Over at Story of Mum is an ongoing celebration of motherhood ~ we're so good at spotting the patches we missed, the letters we meant to send, the conversations we didn't get round to, but often rubbish at recognising what we've done fabulously ~ we tend to be the one behind the camera, not the one in focus in front of it . . .  Mums making an exhibition of ourselves is an attempt to redress the balance, to put ourselves in that spotlight, so we can all been seen, heard and valued for who we are, and what we do.  Pippa invited me to host a virtual mini exhibition here at abstractLucas, to accompany the actual exhibition travelling around the world.  By encouraging mums to share their stories through a range of media ~ photography, poetry, writing, video ~ we can celebrate motherhood, in all its variety.

Sunday, 9 June 2013

Monday, 3 June 2013

Does your child with special needs define you?


In the complex and fast paced world we live in, we all have a variety of roles, a collection of hats from which we choose depending on where we are, who we're with and what we're doing.  When a disabled child becomes part of your family, whether through birth or by other means, things change.  You gain another hat, with CARER emblazoned across the front.  One of the challenges facing organisations such as Bristol Parent Carers, the Bristol based Carers Support Centre as well as the national organisation Carers UK is to promote self identification.  Very simply, this refers to an individual recognising that they are a carer, whether the cared for is a disabled child, a partner with mental health issues, a parent with dementia, or someone else that they support.